We hear the phrase “excessive force” spoken by those who criticize police officers. But the phrase could also be applied to parents, teachers, and coaches. Sometimes we do the same thing: we over-punish.
What is the danger when we over-punish? How does excessive force affect the child? What impact does excessive force have on the children who are bystanders, whether siblings or fellow students? How does excessive force impact morale?
Excessive punishment humiliates the guilty. It creates resentment toward school, adults, rules, and law enforcement. Excessive force can deeply upset bystanders as well. I became extremely angry with an incorrigible tenth grader during my first semester teaching. I was relentless, basically throwing him out of class. And the ENTIRE CLASS treated me differently after that day! No one ever suggested that I was wrong. But the kids were sort of hurt for the bad kid, and shocked to see me that angry. Consider the advice of Moses:
“If there is a dispute between men, they are to go to court and the judges will hear the case…. If the guilty deserves to be flogged, the judge will make him lie down and be flogged in his presence with the number of lashes appropriate for his crime. He may be flogged with 40 lashes, but no more. Otherwise, IF HE IS FLOGGED WITH MORE THAN FORTY LASHES, YOUR BROTHER WILL BE DEGRADED IN YOUR SIGHT” Deuteronomy 25:1-3.
Strong, effective punishment is essential to any human operation. But there is a risk: if you overdo it, you will humiliate the offender—and that will have lasting consequences for the leader who used excessive force. Humiliating the offender (even if he previously humiliated you!) puts your leadership and credibility at risk. It also can create resentment in the offender, making a temporary problem permanent.
Leaders must be strong and decisive. But always look for grace, compassion, and ways to protect the offender’s dignity, even while subjecting him to significant punishment.
(Isn’t the Bible filled with practical wisdom?)
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