Marriage is hard. Really. Before we wed, my girlfriend was my best friend. We actually were prayer partners before we dated. Then we dated for seven years (marriage being out of the question due to age and circumstances). We prayed on every date—every time we got together, we began with prayer, asking God to bless us and help us to honor Him with our words and actions.
(COULD YOU LAY A MORE SOLID FOUNDATION FOR THE FUTURE?)
Yet even with a solid foundation, we struggled when we got married. The first few months were shockingly hard. And then again once our children were born, things got tough. It is so easy to become selfish and stressed out and sloppy about communication. Not only that, you have an enemy. He attacks marriages.
So marriage is hard. It is rewarding too, of course. But it is one of the most critical decisions you will ever make. Please allow me to take the liberty of suggestiong what you ought to look for in a spouse.
Ask yourself these questions:
Does he love Jesus more than me?
Does she love Jesus more than herself?
Will he humble himself for Jesus when he is too angry to do it for me?
Will she forgive me or apologize to me because she is seeking Jesus’s will?
Is Jesus more important than EVERYTHING else?
Have they ever proven it?
Do they make sacrifices for Jesus?
Is he or she a hard-working SERVANT? Read Genesis 24:12-21. Each spouse should serve the other. https://wordpress.com/post/dadsdailydevotionals.com/103
Do they say no to their desires so that they can please Jesus?
Do they spend time with Jesus every day?
Do they own and use a well-worn Bible?
Do they talk about scripture?
Can you tell they are learning new things about the Bible all the time?
Do we have conversations about what God is teaching them?
Are they excited to tell me about something they read in the Bible or a book about the Bible?
Are they excited about their church?
Do they want to tell me about it, or take me there?
Can they share their faith with lost people? Do they?
Before I ever dated my wife, I could have answered YES to every one of these questions. I believe she would say the same about me.
Will everyone be able to answer yes to every question? Perhaps not. And yes, people grow. There is grace. But the questions above are a good guide–not only about finding the right person, but about being the right person.
Consider what the Bible says. Here’s a good verse for men looking for a bride:
“Charm is deceitful and beauty is meaningless, but a woman who fears the Lord, SHE shall be praised” Proverbs 31:30.
And there are verses that can be applied to women looking for a husband. Consider God’s instructions in First Samuel—
“Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” 1 Samuel 16:7.
Think about those words—Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
Ask God to help you look at the heart.
Nothing is more important than that. You need a spouse whose heart hungers and thirsts for God. This will be your partner for life, and he or she will raise your children—all their problems and issues will impact your kids. You need a spouse who is desperately in love with Jesus.
There’s a great song about a man asking out a woman and she says she loves another more, and he finally realizes the one she loves more is Jesus. That is exactly what I pray for my children: I pray you marry someone who loves Jesus more than they love you.
ΑΩ
P.S. I recognize that some argue praying together creates too deep a level of intimacy between people who are dating. And of course, stopping to pray can feel strange and awkward when the purpose of some dating is merely lighthearted and fun. I do not disagree. I am merely reporting what Wendy and I experienced when we were dating. It worked well for us. And on balance, I’d have to say praying together probably beats not praying together–particularly if praying together was a regular part of your friendship BEFORE you dated.
See the song “2 Loves” by Wayne Watson:
I fell head over heels for her
Tell me–Do ya think we could grow old together
Broken–She said that she loved another
Heartache–Feeling despised and rejected
Jesus–I heard you felt it, too
Perfect–She said her first love was higher
Jesus–Her perfect love–Is it You
Household Words: 