When you have a houseful of children it is easy to daydream of a life alone. All the rooms are clean and Mom slips into a bubble bath whispering the old slogan, “Calgon, take me away!” People are tough.
In Jean Paul Sartre’s play NO EXIT, the characters, now dead and condemned to hell, realize they will be trapped in a room together for eternity. I once played Garcin, and will never forget his line to sum it all up:
“Hell is … other people.”
Yes, people will drive you crazy! But the challenge is worth it.
“Where no oxen are, the stall is clean, but much increase comes by the strength of the ox” Proverbs 14:4.
I like a clean house. But when it is not clean, I comfort myself with this verse. I might look into my son’s room, where he once found a dead dove rotting in a vest pocket two weeks after dove season had ended, and I remember: much increase comes by the strength of the ox. Or I might paraphrase, thinking, much benefit comes to me from these messy children. It is worth it. I would rather live in a messy house with family than a clean house alone. Family is worth it. Friends are worth it.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he has no one to lift him up. If two lie down together, they can keep warm. But how shall one be warm alone? And though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.
There are many reasons to maintain relationships. Businesses are more efficient when labor is divided among employees. Partnerships can take advantage of each one’s strengths. No one can do it all, but when we work together, we can achieve great things.
When I was a child I read a book about a boy who loved running. The narrator described him as a “lone wolf,” and I internalized that. I wanted to be that boy—an endurance runner who did not need friends. Then on television I heard the phrase “strong, silent type” and I internalized that too. Later, I ran across a John Wayne film called THE QUIET MAN, and that became my goal.
But if you know me, you know how comical these goals are. “Strong, silent type”? I’ve never been silent in my life. And I was more likely to go to the moon than be the Quiet Man. And that ‘lone wolf’ thing? God has blessed me with a lifetime of deep, rewarding friendships. In spite of my misguided goal of silent solitude, God gave me a mouth I could barely tame and a stable of friends I would not trade for anything. Sure, solitude may yield a clean house or a clean car. But French fries under the car seat are worth it. A pile of dirty dishes is worth it. Sartre was wrong. Hell is not other people. In fact, some theologians actually believe hell is the opposite: a place of utter solitude.
Remember:
Two are better than one, for they have a good return on their labor. Ecclesiastes 4:9.
We need friends and we need family.
You need friends and you need family.
AΩ
P.S. For those who agree, yet struggle with loneliness, consider: relationships thrive on honest communication and time together. Do things. Make memories. If you are shy, you will have to walk by faith and push yourself. Sometimes that means taking a risk, introducing yourself. It may seem awkward at first. Be patient. It won’t always be awkward. Push yourself. Meet people. Talk. Have the courage to be vulnerable. For others out there, the best advice may be to FORGIVE. Relationships require selflessness, forgiveness, and humility. Nothing will leave you isolated more than a life of pride. All of this takes hard work. People are messy. Nothing is ever perfect. But it is worth it. We were made for COMMUNITY. We were made to exist IN RELATIONSHIPS. Nothing in your life–literally, NOTHING–matters more than relationships.
Household Words: 