One of the greatest stories in the Bible is the record of the life of Joseph. Until Benjamin was born, he was the youngest of eleven boys, and he was his father’s favorite son. People criticize Joseph for being proud, suggesting he indulged in the fact that he was his father’s favorite. But I am not convinced.
Yes, Joseph repeated his dreams and offended his family. But it is not clear that he reported on what he had dreamed in an arrogant way. In fact, the book of Genesis does not report any significant failures in the life of Joseph. He acts with integrity, and he does so consistently.
He serves his father well. He serves Potiphar. He rejects the repeated attempts by Potiphar’s wife to seduce the lonely young man. In prison, Joseph remains faithful, serving the prison guard with integrity. He then serves Pharaoh with integrity. He forgives his brothers. He provides not only for his family but for the entire nation and the surrounding nations. Joseph honors God by using his gifts of leadership and administration to save countless lives. Joseph is one of few men in the Bible about whom there is no hint of failure. No scandal.
And there is something else:
When Joseph was speaking to his brothers through an interpreter and overheard his brothers regretting what they had done to him, “he turned himself about from them and wept” Genesis 42:24.
Then when Joseph met his brother Benjamin for the first time (his only full-brother, born to his parents after Joseph was sold into slavery), he was overcome.
“And Joseph made haste … and he sought where to weep and he entered into his chamber and wept there” Genesis 43:30.
Finally, Joseph revealed his identity to his eleven brothers. “And he wept aloud. And the Egyptians and the house of Pharaoh heard” Genesis 45:2.
Joseph talked to his brothers. But then he spoke to each one individually.
“He kissed all his brethren, and wept upon them … and he fell upon his brother Benjamin’s neck and wept and Benjamin wept upon his neck” Genesis 45:14-15.
Soon Joseph was reunited with his aging father, Jacob. “And he fell on his neck and wept on his neck a good while” Genesis 46:29.
Seventeen years later, Jacob died in Egypt’s land of Goshen. “And Joseph fell upon his father’s face and wept upon him and kissed him” Genesis 50:1.
Then Joseph’s brothers came to him and begged him to have mercy, to forgive them, and not to visit upon them some terrible revenge for what they had done to him. Joseph reassured them that he still believed God was behind it all, and “Joseph wept when they spoke to him” Genesis 50:17.
What is going on with all the weeping? First, Joseph lived in a culture markedly different from our own. Around the world, men weep in many cultures, but probably weep the least in the United States. Some say it is a northern European trait–that cultures created in cold climates are less affectionate and less demonstrative about emotions. When you are bundled up under four layers of clothing, hats, and face coverings, you tend to hold in your affections and emotions. Perhaps there is some truth to that, I don’t know.
But I remember a comical line spoken on DOWNTON ABBEY: “We do not hug. We are English.”
Another Brit says, “No hugs, dear. I’m British. We only show affection to dogs and horses.”
Tears are part of affection, of course. Joseph embraces his brothers and father and weeps on their necks. This man of great integrity is also a man confident enough to feel and reveal his emotions. And that is all the more remarkable considering the family that raised him. Forget his conniving brothers. Joseph’s father Jacob was the deceiver who stole his brother’s birthright and blessing. And Joseph’s grandfather Laban had never played fair with Jacob, changing his wages ten times.
This is a family of men who change the rules in the middle of the game. But somehow Joseph grows up among them with absolute integrity.
And Joseph wept. Seven times, actually. He did not weep when thrown into slavery. Nor when he was falsely accused and locked up in prison. Nor when he was forgotten and left there. Joseph wept not for himself, but over relationships, and five of the seven times he wept he was shedding tears of joy. Joseph is not crying, per se, not lamenting his difficult life. Joseph sheds tears of joy because he is overcome with happiness. And he does so in part because of his incredible integrity.
There is an honesty in tears of joy. It shows a man who is able to truly, deeply face his own gratitude, just as he has deeply faced his hurts.
And for what is Joseph grateful? What causes him to weep tears of joy? Family. Even after all that has happened, Joseph is thrilled to be reunited with his father and brothers. Joseph weeps for family.
In the words of a Jewish rabbi commenting on this story: “Tears communicate, to others and to ourselves, and we can feel more present and stronger when we attend to and accept their message … tears are powerful affective punctuation.”
Think about those words. “Tears are powerful affective punctuation.”
You know what else?
“Jesus wept” John 11:35.
Let Him be your role model. Not the English. And not the dominant American culture that would remake men as robots or Vulcans.
When Macduff, the hero of Shakespeare’s Macbeth discovers the king has murdered his entire family, Macduff is stricken with grief and receives the classic advice: be a man.
Malcolm: “Dispute it like a man.”
Macduff: “I shall do so. But I must also feel it like a man!”
Macduff understands: there is nothing unmanly about weeping for your family. Joseph understood as well, weeping on seven occasions over difficult, but ultimately reconciled relationships. And Jesus wept over the death of Lazarus–probably moved more by the suffering of Lazarus’s two sisters than the death of a friend He knew He would heal and revive momentarily.
“Tears are powerful affective punctuation.”
AΩ.
*A useful review of these seven weeping scenes and the way they work as a literary device is available here: thegospelcoalition.org/article/joseph-wept/
**The aforementioned rabbi’s essay is available here: reformjudaism.org/blog/joseph-cries-lot-and-should-matter-us
Household Words: 