“And you know, I just told her, ‘don’t date a boy you would not be willing to marry.’”
We were in Portland, Texas at the home of my mother’s aunt and uncle, Addie and Norman. Their daughter Kay, probably a senior in high school at the time, was out on a date when we drove in from Houston. I was so small I had no idea what dating was, but I knew Kay was somewhere with a boy—a movie, I assumed.
The implication of Addie’s words was obvious: you never know who you might fall for. What might look today like a meaningless cup of coffee might grow into love.
Addie’s dating advice stuck with me, accidentally memorized in the sort-of magical way that only one or two sentences a year might be: don’t date someone you could not marry. Her concern was that her daughter avoid dating a boy from a different religion, because such differences, while intriguing in a boyfriend, can create serious challenges in marriage.
Moses gave similar advice, warning the Hebrews not to marry the pagans living in the Promised Land:
“Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you, and He will quickly destroy you” Deuteronomy 7:3-4.
Why were the Israelites told not to marry the idol-worshipping Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, etc.? Because the relationships would end in divorce? No. The risk God warned of was that these pagans would draw the Jews away from the one true God. “They will turn your sons away from following Me.”
Does that strike you as a serious risk? If you were to marry a non-believer, aren’t the odds just as good that you would lead that person to Christ? I don’t think so. It is certainly possible, particularly if a Christian is devoted to Christ and devoted to their spouse. But I don’t think it is the norm. The more common result is that a Christian living with a non-believer slides down to their level. That is human nature.
Remember the old television show, the ODD COUPLE about two mis-matched roommates, one fastidious and neat, always picking up after people and sliding coasters under their glasses, the other a bit of a slob, spilling food in the kitchen and smoking cigars in the den? Imagine that in a marriage.
Imagine being a neat person and discovering that you married a hoarder. Will you be able to keep a clean house? How many years will you last, trying to beat back the tide of garbage and unnecessary purchases turning your house into a dump?
How long will you keep fighting the fight before you begin to relax, to give-in in small ways, no longer maintaining the standards with which you began? Is it impossible to keep going at the highest level? No. But it becomes difficult when you live with someone who seems to be working against you at every turn. The simple fact of human nature is this: as years pass, it is much more likely that the hard worker will relax into a lazy tolerance, than that the passively destructive hoarder will begin to clean up after himself. *
The Christian life is the same way. There is work involved, and a disinterested spouse will not make it easy!
Jesus compared our souls to a clean house (Luke 11:25), and it takes work to keep things clean.
There are disciplines to the Christian life: Read and memorize scripture, apply it to your life and change your behaviors, share the word with others, and more. But it is hard to exercise spiritual discipline when you are married to someone with no interest in such things, or worse, someone opposed to spiritual disciplines. Thus, heed the warnings of Moses:
Do not marry unbelievers.
Or as the Apostle Paul put it in the New Testament, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” 2 Corinthians 6:14.
As my Aunt Addie would have added: Don’t even date someone you would not be willing to marry. Marriage is one of the two or three most critical decisions you will ever make. Don’t get it wrong by marrying outside the faith in the hope that you will influence your spouse toward Christ. It is more likely an unbelieving spouse will influence you to move away from Christ–to settle into a lukewarm complacency, a life that never makes any difference.
Finally, if you find yourself unequally yoked (married to an unbeliever), never give up hope! With God all things are possible, Matthew 19:26.
AΩ.
* Such a relaxing of housecleaning standards is fine. Most of us should learn to compromise. But the same cannot be said of the Christian life.
Household Words: 