Group Dynamics.

Group relationships are not the same as one-on-one relationships.  If you lead a group—a class, a team, a division of a business—you know certain people require leaders of groups to take measures leaders would NOT take if the relationships were one-on-one. 

That bad kid whose mocking behavior influences everyone else? For the sake of the group, sometimes the “bad seed” may become a sacrificial lamb: get rid of him for the benefit it will have on the group as a whole.

“Drive out a mocker, and conflict goes too.  Quarreling and dishonor will cease” Proverbs 22:10.

Remember the complaining children of Israel? No sooner had they left slavery in Egypt than they began whining about food and water and everything else. Their attitudes were so bad, the earth opened up and swallowed the rebels on one occasion, God sent snakes to kill them on another, and the remainder died while circling the wilderness for forty years.

Not one mocker saw Israel move into the Promised Land.  Not one.  Do not feel sorry for them.  Instead, remember God’s sovereignty.

Do you feel sorry for the bad kid who is expelled from private school?  Or the mocker who loses his baseball scholarship because the coach wants players who are grateful to be here? Don’t.

Teaching high school, I repeatedly saw the way one bad kid could stop 25 others from learning.  The ONLY way to ensure that the innocent received the education they deserved was to get rid of the mocking scoffer.  I do not regret sending a single one out of my room.  You CAN’T save them all.  Instead, learn to focus on the ones you CAN help—and often you help them most by removing their most offensive, mocking peers. 

God, we want to be people of mercy. But when we lead groups, give us the wisdom and courage to be tough with the ones who leave us no choice.

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Sowing and Reaping Across Generations.

Jonathan Edwards was one of early America’s greatest preachers. His devotion to prayer and Bible study remains unparalleled, his biographer recording that he usually spent 13 hours a day studying the word, an hour talking with his wife and 11 kids, and prayed a prayer of blessing over each child, every day. When Edwards had been dead 150 years, a researcher compared 1200 descendants of Edwards to 1200 descendants of a criminal named Max Jukes. How do you think that turned out?

Jukes’ legacy: 7 murderers, 60 thieves, 190 prostitutes, 150 other convicts, 310 paupers, 440 alcoholics, and 300 who died before old age.

Edwards’ legacy: 1 US Vice President, 3 US senators, 3 governors, 3 mayors, 30 judges, 1 law school dean, 1 med school dean, 13 college presidents, 60 doctors, 65 professors, 75 military officers, 100 lawyers, 100 preachers, 80 public office holders, 285 college graduates.

There is a FIVE GENERATION RULE: the way you parent your children will influence the next FIVE generations!

That is why I am intrigued by the family tree. It is amazing to see the patterns of blessings across generations. I don’t know who will come after you, but those who have come before create a family tree almost as rich as that of Jonathan Edwards.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6.

“In your offspring shall all the nations of the earth be blessed, because you have obeyed my voice.” Genesis 22:18.

“Because you have done what is right in My sight…, your sons shall sit on the throne of Israel to the fourth generation.” 2 Kings 10:30.

God, help us remember that our thoughts today become actions tomorrow, then habits, then destiny, until finally they shape our legacy for generations to come. May our lives be built on your word and your truth. Help us love your word and study it more. Forgive us: we are lazy. Motivate us to do the work of Bible study and prayer.

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“Lord, I’m Willing to be Made Willing.”

The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the LORD; He turns it wherever He wishes. Proverbs 21:1.

What a powerful promise! God can literally change ANY heart! He can turn the lost back to himself. He can help us find the right paths. He can make us desire in our hearts the same things He desires for us. He can give us His passions, His values, His hunger for holiness. Ask Him to CHANGE your heart, to turn it, like a channel of water, so it flows in His will. Ask Him to change other people’s hearts. While you’re at it, beg Him to change MY heart, to make me more like Him, more compassionate, more kind, more loving, more holy.

Give God “permission” to do His work in your heart. Ask Him to do heart surgery on you. If you’re not sure about something, pray, “Lord, I’m not sure that I am willing, but I am willing to be made willing.”

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Public-Order Crimes.

All societies prosecute violent crimes: murder, rape, armed robbery, kidnapping, and assault.  We even prosecute “white collar crimes,” wrongs committed by people sitting at computers in shirts and ties: embezzlement, securities fraud, insider trading.

But Public Order crimes are controversial. 

Should gambling be a crime? Drugs? Prostitution? 

People call these “victimless crimes,” arguing that if both parties are consenting adults, there is nothing wrong with what they are doing. They argue drugs should be legal because they are either harmless already or could be rendered harmless by government regulation rather than operating in the current lawlessness of a black market.  

The Libertarian Party platform says: “We favor the repeal of all laws creating “crimes” without victims, such as gambling, the use of drugs for medicinal or recreational purposes, and consensual transactions involving sexual services.”     

But are these really “crimes without victims”? 

A consenting adult may gamble away his family’s grocery money, rent money, and more—causing great harm to children.  Even a cursory knowledge of the way crack cocaine destroyed inner cities proves the devastating consequences of drug addiction.  The victims of victimless crimes are children, wives, families, and society as a whole.  We are all victimized by so-called victimless crimes. 

Nevertheless, politics and legislation can be a difficult business. Reasonable minds will disagree. But the Bible often provides practical guidance:

“A prostitute is a deep pit, and a strange woman is a narrow well.  Indeed, she sets an ambush like a robber and INCREASES THE UNFAITHFUL AMONG MEN” Proverbs 23:27-28. 

A prostitute increases the unfaithful among men.

Is that a goal we want to pursue in our society, more faithless men? Do we want a government that hands out licenses so people can incorporate as small business owners—operating brothels?

PUBLIC ORDER crimes will always be controversial.  But the Bible provides guidance.  Actions have consequences. 

Prostitution is an action that “increases the unfaithful among men.”

God, thank you that Your word has practical answers for everyday life.

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How to Make A’s.

Steven Wales got a bad education. His school years were marked by failing grades, paddlings, and phone calls to mom and dad. Then one day everything changed. He has spent the thirty years since working as a high school teacher, lawyer, and professor of business law and petroleum land management. An adjunct professor, Wales teaches six courses and has taught over 120 undergraduate hours at the University of Houston Downtown.

Steven Wales won writing awards in college and law school, has been published in academic journals and textbooks, and has been cited in published opinions of the United States Courts of Appeals for the Fourth, Fifth, and D.C. Circuits, and in numerous briefs and law review articles. This is his first book.

(Thank you for allowing me to add this off-topic post to a blog about Bible reading.)

Your Mouth is Number One!

The reason we should eat healthy is because food is the number one way you interact with the environment. Forget air pollution or germs or sunburns or floods or poison.

The biggest impact you will have on your health is what you SWALLOW.

In the same way, we must control our words, because our words are the number one way we interact with the world. How do you share God’s love, and the hope and joy people need so badly right now? Through WORDS of HOPE. Nearly everything you will ever do to make a difference for Christ, you will do with WORDS. And people are listening!

The biggest impact you will have on the people around you is what you SPEAK.

But can you control what you say? YES! Paul writes, “Do not let unwholesome words come out of your mouth, but only such a word as is good for encouragement, that it may give GRACE to those who hear” Ephesians 4:29. James is even stronger: “If anyone thinks he is a Christian and does not bridle his tongue, he is deceiving himself and his faith is worthless” James 1:26.

What about Jesus? Did He ever speak on the tongue? Yes. Jesus said, “The good man out of the good treasure in his heart produces good, and the evil man, out of the evil treasure produces evil, for OUT OF THE ABUNDANCE OF THE HEART, THE MOUTH SPEAKS” Luke 6:45. Whatever is in your heart is going to come out. May our hearts be filled with God’s hope and love and grace and peace and joy.

Jesus also said that we will have to explain our bad words: “On the day of judgment, people will give account for every careless word they speak” Matt. 12:36. And that makes sense—because words are IMPORTANT. Your words are number one. They are the most powerful thing you have, after your prayers. Consider Proverbs:

“DEATH and LIFE are in the power of the tongue,” 18:24.

And “a gentle tongue is a TREE OF LIFE, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” 15:4.

Your tongue has the power of life and death. Use it wisely.

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Homosociality.

Homo what? There’s an odd term. Homosociality means “same-sex relationships that are not of a romantic or sexual nature, such as friendship, mentorship, or others.” Think about your best friends, teachers, and coaches—some of these are powerful, intense relationships with members of the same sex. But they are not sexual, merely “social.” Thus, “homosocial.”

The Bible includes several intense “homosocial” relationships: Jesus and His disciples, for example. These 13 men traveled the road together for three years, in the sun, wind, and storms, plodding along in the sand, sailing on the sea, eating over camp fires, sleeping under the stars, and talking about everything under the sun. Jesus poured His life into these men. He shared secrets with them. He loved them.

Another intense homosocial relationship exists between David and Jonathan. These two men loved each other and were not afraid to say so.

“The soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as himself…. Jonathan made a covenant with David, and stripped himself of his robe and gave it to David, with his armor, including his sword and his bow and belt.” 1 Samuel 18:1-5.

Later, the two men realized they had to part because Jonathan’s father Saul was trying to kill David. “David and Jonathan kissed each other and wept, though David wept more” I Sam. 20:41. They never saw each other again. When Jonathan was killed, David lamented:

“How the mighty have fallen! I grieve for you, Jonathan, my brother. You were such a friend to me. Your love for me was greater than the love of women.” 2 Sam. 1:26. (These are strong words, but it is clear that even with—or because of—his 700 wives, David does not seem to have had any good relationships with women.)

The Bible supports the truth—you can have strong, intense relationships with friends of the same sex. Pray—ask God for wisdom about those relationships.

“A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there are some friends who stick closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24.

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Solitude v. Isolation.

I’m good at solitude.  I’ve never been unhappy alone.  But I remember times when being alone felt unhealthy and I had to go be with people.  When solitude turns into isolation, it’s time to find some fellowship.

We need solitude.  We need quiet and “white space” in our lives.  But more as a retreat—you get away from people, spend time with God the Father, the way Jesus did when He prayed—then you return to people. 

Isolation is different.  Isolation is when you work at being alone to the point that you have excluded others from your life.  Have you seen anyone isolate themselves?  Have you watched a friend pull away from everyone and get lost “inside their own head”?  There’s something unhealthy about that, something sinister—and it leads to bad ideas and bad choices. 

For example, most of us hear a variety of voices in our thoughts—some good, some bad.  And when we isolate ourselves, we let the bad voices take control.  After all, it was the unhealthy voice that convinced you to negatively isolate yourself in the first place.  You were listening to the wrong voices when you isolated yourself; it stands to reason you may continue to listen to the wrong voices until you snap out of it.

The worst part is, isolation can become chronic.  The more often you isolate yourself, the fewer friends will be there for you when you finally return to “the land of the living.”  People prone to isolation eventually burn ALL their bridges and end up with no friends, rendering isolation no longer a choice but a trap.

“One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires and rebels against all sound judgment” Proverbs 18:1.

Don’t isolate yourself.  And warn your friends not to.  Consider the VOICE translation:

“Whoever pulls away from others to focus solely on his own desires disregards any sense of sound judgment.”

God, make us sensitive to the difference between healthy solitude and unhealthy isolation. Bless our friendships and show us how to love people better every day.

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The Mouth of a Fool.

I said one thing this summer that people have repeated back to me more than anything else:

“Steven, you’re a good kid.  But your mouth’s gonna get you into a lot of trouble.”

My father was right, of course.  I would say anything, no matter how rude or hostile or mean or inappropriate.  I had no filter.  My parents were always talking to me about having “no tact.”  I wouldn’t shut up.  In one class in high school, my peers even begged me to stop complaining, because even though our teacher upset everyone, the strife I created by fighting with him every day only made things worse.

“A fool’s lips lead to strife and his mouth provokes a beating” Proverbs 18:6.

 Are you still fighting?  Still stirring up trouble?  Still leaving problems behind wherever you go?  Why? 

I needed to memorize Proverbs 17:14: “To start a conflict is to release a flood. Stop the dispute before it breaks out.” 

I never stopped disputes.  I STARTED disputes.  I was passionate about my twisted notions of justice.  I saw unfair situations everywhere and wanted to argue about them all.  But finally, it began to dawn on me: Why? Why be upset all the time?  What good came from what Paul calls “pointless arguments” in 2 Timothy 2:23?  Jesus was a wordsmith whose “arguments” with religious leaders are legendary.  But do you know what Jesus said?

“BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS” Matthew 5:9.

That stuck with me.  My father was a peacemaker and I wanted to become one too.  Lawyers work full-time arguing over conflicts.  But the essence of a lawyer’s work is not conflict, but rather CONFLICT RESOLUTION.  The behavior of the parties creates the conflict, but their lawyers—counselors—RESOLVE the conflict.

“It is honorable for a man to resolve a dispute, but any fool can get himself into a quarrel” Proverbs 20:3.

God, transform us into peacemakers. Give us the wisdom to recognize the rare time when we must fight and the humility to make peace the rest of the time.

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Private School.

I often asked myself why I had children in private school. It was an extravagant luxury—something others could afford, but not me. I had spent years teaching in public schools—were they so bad? Everyone I know attended public schools.

Yet each time I questioned the decision, God gave me peace. On what basis? The challenging academics? A Biblical approach to biology or history or government classes? The added feature of Bible classes every year? No. While I was happy with those points, the verse that came to mind every time I prayed about it was 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’”

Of course, private school students insist their schools are filled with “bad company,” with kids using drugs in the parking lot, with teen couples sleeping together, faculty scandals—there are plenty of stories, and I don’t question them. But the percentage of students involved in such things is often smaller at private schools—and the percentage of students trying to make good choices is often larger in private schools. In short, I was willing to pay for private school in hopes my kids would be surrounded by better influences.

“Walk with the wise and you will become wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20. “The righteous choose friends carefully” Prov. 12:26.

Jim Rohn is credited with the line “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Who are your five? If you put those five in the blender, what will come out? Even more insightful may be this line: “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” Wow. Read that three times:

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.

Remember: You have choices. Choose the BEST friends you can. And when they fail, choose NOT to be influenced by them! You always have choices.

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