Solitude v. Isolation.

I’m good at solitude.  I’ve never been unhappy alone.  But I remember times when being alone felt unhealthy and I had to go be with people.  When solitude turns into isolation, it’s time to find some fellowship.

We need solitude.  We need quiet and “white space” in our lives.  But more as a retreat—you get away from people, spend time with God the Father, the way Jesus did when He prayed—then you return to people. 

Isolation is different.  Isolation is when you work at being alone to the point that you have excluded others from your life.  Have you seen anyone isolate themselves?  Have you watched a friend pull away from everyone and get lost “inside their own head”?  There’s something unhealthy about that, something sinister—and it leads to bad ideas and bad choices. 

For example, most of us hear a variety of voices in our thoughts—some good, some bad.  And when we isolate ourselves, we let the bad voices take control.  After all, it was the unhealthy voice that convinced you to negatively isolate yourself in the first place.  You were listening to the wrong voices when you isolated yourself; it stands to reason you may continue to listen to the wrong voices until you snap out of it.

The worst part is, isolation can become chronic.  The more often you isolate yourself, the fewer friends will be there for you when you finally return to “the land of the living.”  People prone to isolation eventually burn ALL their bridges and end up with no friends, rendering isolation no longer a choice but a trap.

“One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires and rebels against all sound judgment” Proverbs 18:1.

Don’t isolate yourself.  And warn your friends not to.  Consider the VOICE translation:

“Whoever pulls away from others to focus solely on his own desires disregards any sense of sound judgment.”

God, make us sensitive to the difference between healthy solitude and unhealthy isolation. Bless our friendships and show us how to love people better every day.

ΑΩ

The Mouth of a Fool.

I said one thing this summer that people have repeated back to me more than anything else:

“Steven, you’re a good kid.  But your mouth’s gonna get you into a lot of trouble.”

My father was right, of course.  I would say anything, no matter how rude or hostile or mean or inappropriate.  I had no filter.  My parents were always talking to me about having “no tact.”  I wouldn’t shut up.  In one class in high school, my peers even begged me to stop complaining, because even though our teacher upset everyone, the strife I created by fighting with him every day only made things worse.

“A fool’s lips lead to strife and his mouth provokes a beating” Proverbs 18:6.

 Are you still fighting?  Still stirring up trouble?  Still leaving problems behind wherever you go?  Why? 

I needed to memorize Proverbs 17:14: “To start a conflict is to release a flood. Stop the dispute before it breaks out.” 

I never stopped disputes.  I STARTED disputes.  I was passionate about my twisted notions of justice.  I saw unfair situations everywhere and wanted to argue about them all.  But finally, it began to dawn on me: Why? Why be upset all the time?  What good came from what Paul calls “pointless arguments” in 2 Timothy 2:23?  Jesus was a wordsmith whose “arguments” with religious leaders are legendary.  But do you know what Jesus said?

“BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS” Matthew 5:9.

That stuck with me.  My father was a peacemaker and I wanted to become one too.  Lawyers work full-time arguing over conflicts.  But the essence of a lawyer’s work is not conflict, but rather CONFLICT RESOLUTION.  The behavior of the parties creates the conflict, but their lawyers—counselors—RESOLVE the conflict.

“It is honorable for a man to resolve a dispute, but any fool can get himself into a quarrel” Proverbs 20:3.

God, transform us into peacemakers. Give us the wisdom to recognize the rare time when we must fight and the humility to make peace the rest of the time.

ΑΩ

Private School.

I often asked myself why I had children in private school. It was an extravagant luxury—something others could afford, but not me. I had spent years teaching in public schools—were they so bad? Everyone I know attended public schools.

Yet each time I questioned the decision, God gave me peace. On what basis? The challenging academics? A Biblical approach to biology or history or government classes? The added feature of Bible classes every year? No. While I was happy with those points, the verse that came to mind every time I prayed about it was 1 Corinthians 15:33:

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’”

Of course, private school students insist their schools are filled with “bad company,” with kids using drugs in the parking lot, with teen couples sleeping together, faculty scandals—there are plenty of stories, and I don’t question them. But the percentage of students involved in such things is often smaller at private schools—and the percentage of students trying to make good choices is often larger in private schools. In short, I was willing to pay for private school in hopes my kids would be surrounded by better influences.

“Walk with the wise and you will become wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Proverbs 13:20. “The righteous choose friends carefully” Prov. 12:26.

Jim Rohn is credited with the line “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Who are your five? If you put those five in the blender, what will come out? Even more insightful may be this line: “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” Wow. Read that three times:

Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.

Remember: You have choices. Choose the BEST friends you can. And when they fail, choose NOT to be influenced by them! You always have choices.

ΑΩ

When Friends Go Astray.

Have you seen any friends go astray? Have any gone off to college and surprised you? Why is that? What keeps some people walking with the Lord, while others go off on foolish, sinful paths of error and evil?

One factor is peers.

1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, “Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals.”

When you hang out with bad people, you will become bad—slowly, perhaps, but eventually, you will slide down that slippery slope until you reach their level. That’s why Paul writes “DO NOT BE DECEIVED.” It WILL happen.

The writer of Proverbs says the same thing.

“The one who walks with the wise will become wise, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20.

This verse includes both the negative warning of 1 Corinthians 15, but also the positive promise: If you walk with the wise, you will BECOME wise. Isn’t that great? This is one of the things that motivated me to keep my children in a Christian school: every time I was ready to move them elsewhere, God reminded me of the private school’s positive influence. Of course, neither the kids nor the adults were perfect. But overall, the influences at a Christian private school are better than they are in a public school. Sure, there are drinkers, drugs, sex, bullying, whatever—but not to the same degree as in a public school. And sure, public schools have some great Christian kids in them—but not to the same degree as the private school.

The Biblical principle above will always apply to your lives, both in college and beyond. As you choose your friends, choose WISELY. Pray about your friendships.

Ask God to bring you friends who will encourage you to love God and walk with Him faithfully every day. Ask Him to send you WISE friends, so that you can “walk with the wise and become wise.” Ask God also to protect you from becoming the companion of fools—because those who do will suffer harm.

ΑΩ

Choose Your Friends Wisely!

Do you choose wisely? It is SO important. Why? Because no one will influence you as much as your friends. So choose friends wisely—because you will become like them.

“He who walks with wise men will be wise. But the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Proverbs 13:20.

I know the problem. The problem is, all your peers are knuckleheads and ding dongs. I know. Mine too. So pray. Ask God to send you wise friends who can mentor you and influence you in a good way. Just ask God. He knows the critical importance of wise friends. Pray for wise and godly friends.

“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’ ” 1 Corinthians 15:33.

PRAY for wise and godly friends.

ΑΩ

Mining Hazards.

Do you know the term “undermine”?  It is often used in reference to authority. For example, if a principal walks into a classroom and tells students “Don’t bother with that assignment your teacher gave you,” the teacher will likely complain the principal has undermined her authority. 

UNDERMINE. 

Think about what that word means. 

It is a mining term meaning to MINE-UNDER something. 

Miners don’t tunnel into the mountain to create some well laid-out office building, with ten floors, an atrium, and an elevator shaft down the middle.  Mining is nothing like that.  There are no right angles or straight lines as much as there is an organic, twisting path up, down, and all through the side of a mountain.  After all, mining does not follow a blue print, it follows the gold, the silver, or the coal.  You find a “vein” and you follow it as it twists through the mountain. 

But if you MINE-UNDER something heavy, it may come crashing down.  Dig too near the surface, the parking lot may cave in on you—or the railroad, or the local gas station.  In 1959, coal miners in Pennsylvania were ordered to dig illegally under the Susquehanna River.  Established protocols required a 35-foot floor beneath a river, but miners from far below tunneled up to within six feet of the water.  Suddenly, the river burst through, killing 12 miners and flooding the many interconnected mine galleries with 10 billion gallons of water!  To “patch” the opening in the riverbed, miners dropped railroad cars into the giant whirlpool that had formed in the river—(a whirlpool large enough to swallow railroad cars!?)

UNDERMINE is a powerful word, painting a terrifying picture.  As you work to build a great life for yourself, beware: sin can UNDERMINE your life and cause everything to collapse into a whirling vortex of debris and devastation! 

“Righteousness guards people of integrity, but wickedness UNDERMINES the sinner” Proverbs 13:6.

All of us are trying to BUILD lives—to develop careers, save money, nurture families.  Don’t let sin UNDERMINE everything great that you are trying to accomplish. 

ΑΩ

Listen to Wise Counsel.

Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, had a question. He got advice from the old men who had served his father, then from the young men who were his childhood friends. Guess who gave the better advice? The old men. Why? Because they had experience. Don’t you realize how valuable that is? Rehoboam took the advice of the young men and it cost him most of his kingdom. Eleven of the twelve tribes deserted the foolish young king. Only the tribe of Judah stuck with him. What a loss!

You and I need to seek good advice. You must learn WHO to listen to. Look for experience, age, and wisdom. Look for people with integrity. Look for lives that bear fruit. Successful people give better advice than the unsuccessful.

Pray. Ask God to send you wise counselors and to make you a wise counselor.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Proverbs 12:15.

Who are your mentors? Who do you go to for advice?

If you don’t know—find someone!

ΑΩ

Choose Your College.

How do kids choose a college? Location? Beauty? Reputation? Degrees offered? Friends going there? What do parents consider? Price? Safety? Future job prospects? The considerations are enormous—as is the time to be invested.  It is a huge decision, and one for which you must hear from God.

Proverbs 9 uses a picture similar to college as a metaphor for wisdom and folly: there is the WISE QUEEN who lives in an amazing house and offers room and board and an all-expenses-paid education in WISDOM to anyone who needs it. (Now THAT is an amazing college!)  But this experience will require some self-denial: You will not receive instant gratification.

This is a place of LIFE.

But life also presents the MADAM OF FOLLY, a sort-of ‘Queen of the Brothel’ who offers a ratty mattress and half-dressed women to anyone who wants them.  Like a crack house, the promise of instant gratification will lure many to ignore the risks, the vermin, the disease, the filth.  After all, your desires will be INSTANTLY gratified.  But there’s a catch: “the departed spirits are there, and her former guests are now in the Place of the Damned” v.18. 

This is a place of DEATH.

Every day you enroll in one of these colleges.  Whose house do you want to live in? 

“Wisdom has built her house, she has carved out her seven pillars, prepared her meat and wine and set her table…. She calls for the inexperienced to come inside. ‘Come, eat my bread… and pursue understanding’…. By wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life…. 

The Woman of Folly is loud, stupid, and knows nothing. She sits in her door calling out for the inexperienced to come inside. ‘Stolen water is sweet! What is forbidden is that much more of a turn-on!’ But the naïve young man doesn’t know that ghosts are there, that her guests are now in Sheol” 9:1-18.

Whose college do you plan to attend?

P.S. BONUS ROUND–Compare the lyrics of ‘Hotel California’ with the ‘Woman of Folly’ in 9:13-18.

ΑΩ

Rebuke.

Have you ever rebuked anyone? Ever told friend he was wrong? Ever spoken up for what is right?

You can tell a lot about a person by the way he responds to rebuke. Wise people accept it, humble themselves, and listen. Foolish people are not able to accept rebuke; they will be angry and defensive.

“Don’t rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will become wiser still.” Proverbs 9:8-9.

Do you have that kind of wisdom? Can you accept rebuke and grow wiser? Can you be thankful for rebuke? When a teacher, coach, or professor corrects you, can you accept it? When a boss gets on you, can you smile and admit where you may have failed, and try to do better? That is wisdom.

If you are unable to accept correction, you are doomed. Good employees who can’t accept correction lose jobs. Yes, I said “good employees.” Because even the best employees will be corrected, whether they deserve it or not. Some bosses just have to fuss at people periodically, and even perfect employees need to accept that.

But nobody is perfect. You will be corrected sometimes and it will be necessary. Be the wise man in this verse. If you get in trouble on the job, the boss should be able to say about you, “I instructed a wise man and he became even wiser. I rebuked a wise man and it made him love me.”

That’s a tall order. Can you love someone who corrects you? A teacher? Coach? Boss? Mother? Friend? Ask the Lord to give you an attitude that welcomes rebuke.

Pray. Dear Lord, give us hearts willing to learn no matter who You send to teach us. Fill us with humility. May we be kind, polite, and godly in our responses to authority figures, whether we deserve rebuke or not. I pray that after a confrontation, our bosses would go away impressed by our amazing, humble, and godly attitude.

ΑΩ

Wisdom Has Built Her House.

Yesterday I watched a documentary about a talented athlete whose career fell apart because his life was a dumpster fire: parties, booze, drugs, and selfishness. 

This is the life of foolishness.

Even though I published my first book Friday (!), the biggest event of this year will be the work involved in honoring the life of my father.  I drafted an obituary, helped my mom plan a service, delivered a 20-minute eulogy, and collected copies of all the stories he used to tell—and a few I like to tell about him—and published those in a booklet.

Like a biographer, I had the opportunity to reflect on my father’s life and consider its meaning.  I thought about the lifetime he spent reading the Bible and serving the church.  And I thought about his father who did the same before him.  Both men lived to 88 and at both funerals, I was overwhelmed by people telling me what great men they were. 

Their lives were characterized by untiring service to God and others.  They worked long past retirement age.  They worked every day, on weekends and holidays, taking care of their families and offering a positive influence to the world.  God rewarded both with good health, long lives, and loving families around them to the end. 

This is the life of wisdom.

Are you seeking wisdom? Do you understand how it will benefit you?  Are you building good habits? Are you filling your mind, BUILDING YOUR MIND on the word of God? Wisdom is the great hostess throwing the most amazing banquet.  Come to the Bible and feast on her delicacies!

“Wisdom has built her house. She has carved out her seven pillars. She has prepared her meat, mixed her wine, set her table… She calls out, “Whoever is naïve, enter here!” To the one lacking sense, she says, “Come, eat my bread, and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave foolishness behind and you will live. Pursue the way of understanding” Proverbs 9:1-6.

God, give us wisdom! Show us where we lack it so we can gain more.

ΑΩ